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Top 4 Profiles of Muggers that really… Bug Us

Finals are looming, and this is when you see everyone’s true colours. Alan Teo brings you through a light-hearted description of some categories of students commonly sighted. Know anyone like these?

The Elites

The Elites have completed their readings two months ago, and their revision several weeks ago. Right now they could be busy with finalizing their prestigious internships during the summer vacation, securing a new business deal for their side entrepreneurial venture, or finishing up the Hunger Games trilogy.

It’s stressful to hang around the Elites. They exude an aura of excellence without them even trying to do so. Whenever you celebrate your above-median score of perhaps 80/100 for a quiz, they sit there nonchalantly with their 95/100. While we are analysing the results of this test, they are already analysing the modules to take (and ace) next semester.

While many of us will anticipate the dreaded 8am SMS when results are released in over a month’s time, they know in advance what kind of grades they’re going to get (probably A+ or A, worst case scenario A-), and are already composing the email to NUS to ask when they should collect their Dean’s List certificate for that semester.

Yes, we have no chance against these elite group of people, just like how we have no chance against the Ridiculously Photogenic Guy. While we are all struggling and panting, they are just beaming with their elite, radiant smile.


The Insecure

The Insecures are just a step below The Elites in academic competence – but they don’t believe it. They are probably on track for their revision, but they are forever bitching on Twitter and Facebook about how screwed they are for finals (yet they always emerge with better grades than us).

The thing about Insecures, is that they always do better than us. They are those that call you up the night before a test and ask you for a detailed explanation of a complicated theory because they are ‘absolutely clueless’… then they trump you by 2 grades when the results are out.

The Insecures infect us with their modest pessimism – “Oh, I will do so badly for that test!”, and we start to believe it as well. The difference is we are right; they are wrong.

Insecures love social comparisons. They are those that come up to you and go: “I’m so screwed! I still have five chapters left to read from the textbook! Have you finished your revision?”

And we respond:


The Worrier

Worriers are, well, persistently worrying. They are the average students who are accustomed to B’s and the occasional C. They may do well once in a while, but their chronic worrying handicaps their performance most of the time.

Worryers are always seeking reaffirmation and posting ‘I’m so screwed’ status updates. They love to broadcast their progress on Twitter, and often study late into the night (with frequent tweets like: “How am I going to finish this by tonight” and “Sleep is for the weak”).

Worriers are depressing to be around. They never seem to be content with their current state of affairs. It could be motivating though, to see how far ahead of them you are in your revision. But then again, worrying is infectious, and you may catch the bug quite easily. After all, exams are in less than a week. Are you worried yet?


The Genuinely Screwed

The Genuinely Screwed are… genuinely screwed (cue O RLY meme). They are the reason why we can get a passing grade when we forgot to study or we sacrifice a module – they fill up the bottom end of the bell curve.

A Genuinely Screwed is the epitome of the nightmare group mate. They shun all responsibilities, refuse to reply emails, and are often rude.

They don’t care about their grades, so they don’t care about the project. They are those whom you write a long peer evaluation in efforts to get the tutor to flunk him/her, often longer than the actual assignment itself.

The Genuinely Screwed is apathetic about studies, and never touches their readings. At this juncture they probably know they are too far behind to catch up, so they give up and try to

persuade their peers to join them in partying. Don’t succumb to them, otherwise you will be genuinely screwed too.



Which one of these fit you the most? Have a friend who’s an Insecure-Elite- Worrier? Think you are a hybrid of several of these? Let us know via the comments! Remember to follow us on Twitter @FASSClub and stay healthy during this exam period! Happy studying!

Comments ( 5 )

Have Something To Say ?

  1. Tupain April 18, 2012 Reply


    Y’know, that dude who went AWOL during Week 12-13, drinking redbull-coffee, camping every night at Starbucks in Utown and living like a HOBO WHO FINISHED ALL HIS EXAMS BEFORE READING WEEK SO HE CAN SHOUT


    while all his friends start moaning about having to begin revising for their exams. Then, when they organise their study sessions, he tries to distract them by organising lan sessions, movie dates, buffet trips ‘COS HE CAN LIKEABOSS and turns up saying STILLSTUDYING? I FINISHED LAST WEEK YOU SO 2000 and LATE.

    Whenever everyone says GTFO WHAT’RE YOU DOING HERE YOU HAVE NO EXAMS TO PREPARE FOR he goes I’m like, all in your face so you know what the future is like two weeks from now.

    5×100% CA, truestorybro.

    • Alan April 19, 2012 Reply

      You sir, win the comment of the week award ^^

  2. Kelvin Poh April 18, 2012 Reply

    Haha I think you missed out one type.. Those that don’t even bother studying yet do well..

  3. Eugene April 19, 2012 Reply

    Nice article btw but Hey the classes you describe are probably not mutually exclusive. You have the occasional friend who cycles through the stages.

    1) Stage1—>worrier: Worries about how screwed he is for exams cause never study. Then he moves on to stage 2
    2) Stage2 —-> the incsecure: One week before exam chiong all the way. Still wonder whether study enough forever compare himself to others …
    3) Stage 3—-> Elite: Actually he is the secret elite if he sets his mind to it he will manage it. :P Though he himself wont believe it and will bitch and complain of how screwed he is until results day. Then lo and behold results day he goes “all surprised” about how he managed to beat you and how it must have all been a fluke :)

    • Alan Teo April 20, 2012 Reply

      These are neither mutually exclusive nor are they exhaustive – just 4 general profiles that I thought of. There’s definitely overlaps as you pointed out! :D

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